dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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