You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
