oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
