this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my shit smells like andre
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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