i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
