I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
