Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
