don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it was like having sex with a tree stump
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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