I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
