my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
