"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
