Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
