took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
