An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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