only if we run a train.
done.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
