I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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