I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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