Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
