There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
