I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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