Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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