Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
