Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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