you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
