i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
