i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
