VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
