Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
