We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
