he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
