who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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