im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
