Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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