Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
