Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
