he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
