We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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