my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
