he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
