it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
