So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize