i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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