Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he fucked my hip out of place.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
