SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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