best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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