I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
