I cockslap morals
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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