I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
