just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize