so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
