12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
