Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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