I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
