everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
