anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
