The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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