he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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