quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
