This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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