My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
