How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I need moral support for this bender
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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