well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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