one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
