So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
