Do you still have your period?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I've blown a few things in my day
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
