2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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