I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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