I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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