Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I wear drunk well.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
