Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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