If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
